Week 40 - Ownership
Week 2 of being a puppy mom in the books. Nacho is doing great and mommy is still learning :)
The biggest aha moment I had this week with Nacho is that it’s SO easy to blame the dog for misbehaving. TOO easy. But every accident that happened this week was an opportunity for me to look at where I had failed to pay attention and most importantly, where I didn’t practice patience. Which is what I’ve learned is the #1 skill you need to train a puppy🐶.
Because what I’ve seen this week is that Nacho is SO trainable…It’s me that’s harder to train!! If I can just be patient, not loose my cool, and NOT GIVE UP, he will do exactly what is being asked of him. So many times this week when trying to train him not to rush at his food when I set it down, I just wanted to give up and say fuck it, have at it! But that’s a failure on my part, not his. And when he is poorly behaved later in life…I only have myself to blame.
It’s ultimately the greatest teacher of extreme ownership.
In full transparency and vulnerability moment, this was a big piece of feedback I got in my last leadership role - that I wasn’t taking ownership of things that went poorly - and oh let me tell you how upset that made me. I refused to believe it. I tried to defend myself. And everything I did made it worse because it was literally me not taking ownership of me not taking ownership! Haha meta.
Fast forward to now, my automatic response when Nacho has an accident is to be mad at him. And the first few times I was. But then I started to notice the cues. He was always trying to tell me that he needed to go out, but I wasn’t paying attention, didn’t understand or frankly, was kinda being lazy. And I wonder now how this showed up when I was in corporate as a leader. What cues did I miss? What did I not pay attention to? Where was I being lazy? I was successful as a leader but still had lots to learn and didn’t get the feedback for no reason.
Looking back, when I got that feedback in my last role, I realize that my defensiveness came from my ego - I didn’t want to admit or believe that I could have done better but failed to or worse, didn’t know how to. I needed to believe that people and circumstances were to blame, so that my fragile ego could stay intact.
Why? Because I was still so trapped in the need for external validation for my own self-worth game. For me to take ownership felt like I had to say and admit and have everyone know that I’m ACTUALLY not good enough and I just couldn’t bare the thought.
But as I write this and as I learn through Nacho, what extreme ownership is asking of us is to realize that we are not here to posture, be perfect and be the best, we are here to serve. I’m here to serve Nacho as a good mom and most of all good trainer so that he can behave like the goodest boy ever.
And in my denial of taking ownership in leadership, I also denied myself the opportunity to serve others because I made it about me and not about them. I HAD to be successful, my self-worth depended on it. My imposter syndrome depended on it. And everyone suffered for it.
Think about Nacho - the dude went to the door, made a whimpering noise, and pawed at the door. I know - CLEAR SIGNS he needed to go out. But I didn’t listen/believe him. And so then he’s like ‘well….what I am supposed to do?…..I need to go…..this floor looks pretty safe…..ahh relief!” And then I get mad at HIM. If he could talk to me he’d be like “dude, I tried to tell ya! You didn’t want to listen.” But instead he looks at me all ashamed and cute and then I melt and then I praise him and then he’s like “oh…I guess shitting on the floor IS ok. Cool!”
He’s the innocent victim in all this. Just trying to do the right thing and do his business outside, and I didn’t let him and then got mad at him and then called him a good boy. Confusion city
One of the main concepts I focus on in my coaching is helping people get CLEAR. Clear about who they are and what they want. Why? Because clear is CONFIDENT. When someone knows exactly what they want, can state it, ask for it and go after it…nothing can stop them and people want to help! Clarity is critical.
Especially as a leader, clear is mandatory. What is the mission we are on, how will we get there, how will we know, and who can help us. And leading a dog, clarity is everything. What is and isn’t OK is everything.
So food for thought this week:
Where are you lacking clarity in your life?
Where are you not taking ownership?
What are the results of both of these in your life?
