Week 39 - Why I’m a high-performer

This was my first full week with my new puppy, Nacho! Needless to say…I am tired 😅. And have stayed home way more this week. And technically I could be annoyed because I want to be having adventures in Costa Rica, but if I created that expectation, I can also change it. So my expectations have changed to caring for this adorable pup in a beautiful place and sneaking some moments at the beach and the pool throughout the day.

Something I realized about my trips to Costa Rica so far is that they are always full of firsts. When I was here last October for 2 months, it was my first solo trip, my first time staying in hostels, my first time to Costa Rica even, my first time trying mushrooms, my first time trying breathwork, my first time swimming with bioluminescence and the list goes on and on. Now this time around there is a new batch of firsts: first women’s retreat, first time glamping in the jungle, first time doing Wim Hof breathwork, first time doing an extended ice bath (3min10seconds!), first time in a sweat lodge and first time ever having a dog in my life!

So why do all these firsts happen when I’m in Costa Rica? Well it’s a key learning that our environment shapes our reality. Being in a beautiful place, in a tropical climate, surrounded by people pushing themselves out of their comfort zones…well that’s a hot bed for pushing yourself too!

That’s why we all love vacation - we get to be a fun and fully free version of ourselves.

It’s also true for the environment that we find ourselves in at work.  I constantly found myself in high-performance based environments at work. Frankly, I sought them out. I didn’t really believe in myself or think I was good enough so I sought out environments where I could outwardly show that I was “worth it”. This may rub people the wrong way but the only reason why we want to prove ourselves outwardly through achievements, recognition and awards etc. is because we don’t internally feel worthy or enough.  I know this because I lived it. This is no judgement towards anyone, but a statement of my lived experience and the truth of who we are as humans. Think about it, if I was the person in the world who had the most self worth and self respect, would I need to become a workaholic and over-exceed on results at work to prove it? No. Because I already have all the self-worth and self-respect I could ever need, no external validation would change that.

When I was in those high-performance environments, I thought I was better than people when I was performing better. But I also thought I was a worse human when I was performing poorly. But I wasn’t the only one…EVERYONE was like that. And so this behaviour seemed NORMAL. In fact, this behaviour even made you belong. At the end of the day, we are attachment beings and need to feel like we belong in order to survive. So our minds are always looking for how we can belong. And when we have a distorted sense of self, we’ll conform to whatever the environment is in order to get belonging. Rendering you feeling artificially connected to the group, and royally disconnected to yourself. Because we’ll typically act in ways that aren’t necessarily true to us just so that we can feel part of the group.

After going through tons of coaching myself, I started to wake up to myself, to what I was doing. I was making myself important by working a lot and performing really well. But what made me need to be important? Well clearly I must have had an experience in childhood that made me feel unimportant and that was very painful so I decided that I want to avoid that pain so the solution is to be so important that people can’t ignore me. We’re super crafty in our thinking as kids. But now we are adults and we have more capacity to think critically. Which is what I started doing in order to notice these patterns and behaviours that were keeping me addicted to work and addicted to doing well. It was all to avoid pain. The pain of feeling insignificant.

It’s been through coaching that I have learned these things about myself, and it’s through coaching that I have also learned to know myself at a deeper level and realize my coping strategies.

The work that we are all called to do is to see past these outwardly disguises we all wear and realize who we are at our core - without the coping strategies and without the environmental influence.

This is the work that I do with my clients. Because imposter syndrome is just a fancy way of saying ‘I don’t feel enough or worthy inside’. That’s it. And as long as you stay believing that, the more exhausted and disconnected you’ll become from yourself and by default to others as well. You’ll get more and more lost, and feel more and more stuck. Lost because you won’t know who you are anymore: are you this person that needs constant validation and achievements to feel OK? I know you know the answer to that is No but then you’re probably asking yourself what do I need?

This is where I see imposter syndrome as a gift and an invitation. An invitation to pause, to stop all the constant working and doing (which is just taking you farther and farther away from the truth of yourself) and to allow yourself the space to let go of what the environment tells you, let go of what your parents told you and just to reconnect with YOU. It’s honestly not hard, but it takes space and commitment.

Imposter syndrome is the invitation to be YOU. And being YOU is your greatest super power. Noone else can be more you than you. So you might as well master being you.

My clients who have done this work with me are thriving, which to me means that they are no longer living up to someone else’s definition of success. They have moved countries, changed industries or careers, started side hustles, become coaches and more because they gave themselves a well worth pause to reconnect with themselves.

So, your challenge is to recognize if the environment you are in is keeping you stuck or creating opportunity for firsts, fun and freedom.

I didn’t intend this post to be about my work but this topic of how we become high-performers to mask how inadequate we feel inside came up this week and I needed to talk about it despite it being potentially hard for people to hear.

I truly believe that we can set ourselves free if we just go inward to understand what pain are we trying to avoid and what coping strategies are we using to do it. In there lies your answers.

I have spots available this week for a 45 min exploration call with me. If this resonated and you are serious about getting clear on who you truly are so that you can create your own definition of success that makes you come alive vs keeps you lost, then I want to chat with you. Noone can do this work for you, only you can.

So here's your food for thought this week:

Is the environment you’re in one in which you can grow without judgment and fear of failure?

Or is it growth for fear of being left behind and unworthy?