Week 129 - How I got everything I wanted in life
A new client of mine told me that I intimidate her, particularly because, “you have unwavering belief in yourself” she said.
Which was fascinating to hear and something that I couldn’t deny.
When I left the corporate world 3 years ago, I absolutely had unwavering belief in myself and my ability to build the life I want being a coach.
But the belief did not come from having a side hustle for years that finally made me enough money to leave. In fact, I only had 2 clients when I decided to leave and they were referrals from people I knew. I had never generated a “lead” from LinkedIn prior to quitting my job.
I didn’t even have a website. No company name. No logo. I had nada.
BUT what I did have was unwavering belief in myself.
But HOW (is what you’re probably thinking)?!
And that’s the part of the story that I have failed to tell enough. So buckle up!
Here's the truth: I don’t have entrepreneurial parents and I was not born with confidence or belief in myself. Absolutely not. I was a super shy kid. I was very insecure. I didn’t take risks. I just wanted to be liked. I wanted to be pretty so that I could be liked. I had no belief in myself whatsoever.
That is what actually attracted me to sales. I didn’t realize it at the time, but after more than a decade of doing deep inner excavation, my attraction to sales was fuelled by my own insecurities and the promise that if I could be good at sales, I would achieve a higher status in the world (ie have money) that would make people like me more. Aka I was insecure and filling a void.
I had done well in every sales role I had, which made me feel great about myself from a vanity metric stand point, but I was still terribly insecure and needed CONSTANT validation to feel good about myself.
Once I got to Salesforce, the game changed. I was now playing with the big kids and my good personality wasn’t going to cut it. I actually needed to be good at sales (not just good at getting people to like me, which as a people pleaser is a fave past time).
So I got by for a year with shear hard work and people liking me but then it all caught up to me and I was failing hard. Bottom of the leaderboard month after month. And my fragile ego was crumbling like a shortbread cookie. (I’ve been baking a lot of shortbread cookies lately lol).
This is when I happened upon a coach and decided to work with her, not knowing that this one decision would change the entire trajectory of my life.
At the time, all I wanted was to not suck at my job so I didn’t have to feel like shit anymore, and maybe figure out a different job that I would be better at. That was my hope for what I would get out of coaching.
And I did, because I had a phenomenal coach AND I was completely committed to doing the work. But I ended up getting so much more out of it.
Working with that coach sent me on a journey of self-discovery. It made me realize that I did not know myself at all, and the parts that I did know, I didn’t like and thought they needed to be fixed or hidden.
Coaching helped me see the truth of who I am AND deeply accept who I am without thinking that it’s bad, broken or needs to be changed.
And this deeper knowledge of myself led to a ton of success at work. I hit 150% of quota and went to Peak Performers Club, I got hired as a leader quite early on, and I was a leader that was highly respected and sought after by reps who wanted to work with me.
Knowing who I was and not being afraid to show up as that person was the secret to all my success.
And the more I showed up as myself, and “it worked” if you will, it built my belief in myself.
You see, if you aren’t clear about who you are and you’re just winging life, you will think everything was luck.
This is the basis of imposter syndrome - feeling like you got lucky and that it wasn’t actually due to your skills and talents. Well if you don’t know what your skills and talents are, then yea DUH of course you’re not going to attribute your success to it.
It’s actually THAT simple.
My work as an imposter syndrome coach had nothing to do with imposter syndrome. It had everything to do with getting to the crystal clear truth of who you are and accepting yourself.
What we normally do instead is we bully ourself and beat ourself up for everything. We create a hostile inner world.
This stops us from being ourselves (because we think we are a shit person inside) but it also prevents us from taking risks and going for what we want.
Why?
Because we don’t trust what we want, because we don’t like and trust ourselves. AND we know that if we did go for what we want and it didn’t work out, we would bully the crap out of ourselves forever and then you have to live that reality and that sounds awful so you just avoid doing the thing you want because you don’t actually have your own back.
You’re your own worst critic and barrier to the life you want.
Instead, coaching helped me create a new belief system that was in support of me vs tearing me down.
Through all this work, the belief I developed was this:
“Everything works out in my favour and that even if it doesn’t, I’m going to be OK.”
What that says to me is that:
I believe in good things happening
I believe I deserve good things to happen
And that even if they didn’t, I’m not going to bully myself and beat myself up for them
I have MY OWN back
And that is the mindset that I teach all of my clients. Because it works. I’ve seen it work hundreds of times now. Clients building the exact life that they want. That they didn’t think was possible before, and now they are living in it as a reality.
Like Steph who left her marketing job because she loves adventure and travel and now leads travel tours and gets paid to do it.
Like Gabi who always wanted to have a wellness studio but didn’t know how so she started to host yoga classes on the beach and is now running a women’s community about how rest is more powerful than productivity.
Like Mike who was set to be a C-Suite after 10 years at his company, and instead decided to bet on himself and start his own coaching & consulting business that is now thriving.
So fast forward to when I decided to quit my job and start my coaching business with absolutely nothing planned or strategized, I went into it thinking “everything works out in my favour, and even if this doesn’t work, I’m going to be OK.”
So I LEAPT. Because with that mindset, anything I want is possible.
And now I’m the proof and so are all my clients.
Success on my own terms looked like 4 things:
To have my own coaching business and run it the way I want
To avoid winter and live in hot places
To have a dog
To have a loving supportive partner to be on this journey with
Bingo, bango, bongo…..and bongo again! Haha
I defined my success, I had the mindset to get it, I made the decisions and took the actions to make it happen.
I can wholeheartedly say that knowing myself (strengths, values, needs, mission) is 100% why I was able to be successful so quickly and maintain that success. AND without having to compromise. [I’m writing this right now (Feb 11) outside in the sun getting a tan beside my dog. I have a full book of clients and more that want to work with me. I still only work 4 days a week and 20 hours/week.]
That’s exactly what I wanted. And that’s exactly what I got.
Because I did the work to know myself.
Part of the work of knowing myself came from the discovery of Human Design. If you’re not familiar with Human Design, it’s a “personality test” of sorts but elevated.
Essentially the philosophy is that when we were born, we were uniquely designed with specific qualities and traits, but we don’t know what they are. So instead we get conditioned by our environment, the media, social norms etc to become a certain way that fits our society. But in doing so we get lost and unhappy because we aren’t accessing our unique gifts and talents (because we aren't aware of them).
So learning our unique design is the journey back ‘home’, to your truth, to your core, to your uniqueness, and when you discover this and live from this place, life begins to flow in the most magical of ways.
Just like how I described above. I am fully living in alignment with my design and thus life flows easily.
If I hadn’t have found coaching and human design, I KNOW I wouldn’t have anything that I have now. I would still be in the corporate world, climbing the ladder, clambering for validation, drinking a ton, probably still single, and behind it all, lost.
So yes I can help you get leads on Linkedin and make money etc etc, but so can like 100s of other Linkedin coaches out there.
What they DON’T do is show you how to come to the truth of who you are, embrace it and build a business that completely aligns with how you are uniquely designed (strengths, values, needs and mission) and creates your definition of success effortlessly.
Just posting on Linkedin isn’t going to cut it.
Making a website isn’t going to cut it.
If you’re wanting to build your own business then the only thing you need to work on is understanding yourself and your design better. Having a solid foundation built on your values, your strengths and your mission.
From that foundation, your belief will be strong and your success will be clear.
You cannot skip this crucial step.
It’s the key that unlocks the life you want to live.
And if you need help with that…I got you.
Book a call, we can learn your human design and map out how to live in complete alignment with the life you want most and were designed to have.
Until next time
PS For those of you who do know human design, I'm a 5/1 Splenic Projector.
What are you?
