Week 31 - How do you define ‘success’?
This week was my last week down south in Hilton Head Island. Staying in Hilton Head was never the plan and was more like a ‘well we’re already here I guess let’s stay here because Canada is shut down’ option.
Throughout my travels this past year and staying in places to live and work and not just vacation I have learned one fundamental principle:
You never fully feel settled in until the day RIGHT BEFORE you leave.
The irony.
It was about a couple weeks ago when I finally started really appreciating Hilton Head. At first I was focused on all it’s warts: there isn’t much to do at night, everyone is 70+ years old, there’s so much greasy unhealthy food, we don’t have our bikes, etc.
And by the end I saw none of that and was sad to leave this magical little oasis we had been living in all along.
Without me realizing it until nearly the end of the trip, I was living my most ideal life: in nature, lots of wildlife, calm quiet and peaceful, access to good food (we found our fave spots) and a community that inspires us.
I turned to Ryan (my partner) about 3 weeks ago and said, ‘we’ve done a horrible job of making friends here. We really should have talked to more people here” and it was like a light switch went off in both of us. Following that statement, every time we saw anyone we both sprang up and started chatting with them.
Ryan ended up creating a beautiful bond with an 85 year old retied Pastor who brought so much perspective into our lives.
This man has 4 kids, has been a Pastor his whole adult life, has traveled the world, has a loving wife, spends 3 months a year in Hilton Head, and lives in upstate NY AND (read this carefully) HE HAS NEVER MADE MORE THAN $40K A YEAR IN HIS LIFE. Now of course, he lived in a different time, but the message is still relevant. This man sees himself as very successful. And I’m certain in his community he is a beacon of success. He exudes happiness and joy. He’s made it.
And yet in my circle, the tech community, we couldn’t even fathom that world at all.
And yet, this is real life. This is a real man, living in the same world that you and I live in.
And this is why one of my go to questions is:
“What if your definition of success?”
Because this definition can be our prison or our freedom.
On my 15+ hour long drive home on Sunday, I listened to a new podcast from the Co-Founder of The Morning Brew called Imposters. This dude is hella successful. Built a thriving business for 8 years and sold his company for 8-figures. Like hello - very impressive. And probably exactly what he wanted and what he defined as ‘success’. And YET, in the podcast he shares how after he sold the company he was totally lost and unhappy. He had total financial freedom and was miserable because he no longer had a purpose.
The Pastor and this billionaire confirm what I always knew to be true: I don’t believe that financial freedom brings you total fulfillment. It sure helps build a pretty interesting life, but not total fulfillment.
WHY? Because fulfillment isn’t about you! It’s about how you’ve made an impact on people.
The minute you change your focus from you to others is when you’ll stop chasing external validation points that don’t fill your tank, and you’ll start doing work in service to others and feeling a hell of a lot more fulfilled from it.
Just like our Pastor friend. I can assure you that man sleeps soundly at night with his $40k/year salary knowing that he has helped countless people suffer less in this world.
Justin Welsh shared on LI the other day, “Measure success by how many people thank you for theirs.”
That’s it. That’s what it’s all about.
Give that a noodle this week. You’ll probably be met by a bunch of saboteur thoughts and that’s OK.
Notice what they are. Are they trying to keep you playing small? Are they coming from scarcity?
We have to continually put our thoughts on trial is we want to not be a prisoner to them.
